National Honor Society

I gotta brag, sorry!

:)

Shelby has been inducted into the National Honor Society. To receive this honor, a high school student must be at least a sophomore with a 3.5 GPA and involved in school activities.

Because of the Advanced Placement classes she has taken, her GPA is 4.4! Wow. This girl sure puts my high school grades to shame!

Happy 12th birthday John!

Time Marches On

I am having one of those surreal moments. I am working on immunization records in my clinic because I have no students today, due to parent-teacher conferences.

Just now, it struck me... most of my newly enrolled pre-kindergarteners have birthdates that are after Andy died. At that time, I remember feeling like the world had stopped, that nothing new was ever going to happen again. How could the world and life itself go on without Andy?

But, my life has gone on... big changes have happened since then, nothing stopped. Good things and bad things, big things and little things have all continued. Nothing has stopped, not in my own life nor in the universe. Even my love for Andy has continued, although in a different way. Andy's earthly life ended, but these new children have been born, evidenced by my records at school. All over the world new lives have begun, and are shining brightly.

Tracy Lawrence has a song called "Time Marches On," and the tagline really speaks volumes: "The only thing that stays the same is everything changes."

So true.

Sorry for the tangent, but this has really been on my mind today. I just had to get it out.

Oklahoma State Fair Button 2006

Here's the latest installment: Shelby, John, Kathy, Arthur, Me and a Clown

This year Andy's token is the string tie I am wearing. He used to wear it on his western shirts with the concho pushed up.

Another essay by Jimmy

I am posting this in honor of what would be our 19th anniversary today. This essay of Jimmy's is a perfect example of Andy's ornery yet playful personality. It is how I always remember him. I am sure he is entertaining himself by trying to aggravate St. Peter nowadays!

I think from time to time what he would have to say about the new things going on around here. I know how proud he would be/ is of the kids. He was such a great "band parent" he would be tickled that Shelby is on the drum line at the high school, and John is entering percussion at the middle school.

I am waiting to hear from him today... last year on this day we found an enameled RN pin in the handicapped spot at "our restaurant," the Red Lobster. What will it be this year? :)

Love,
Stephanie

Now, Jimmy's essay:
---------------------------------------------------


A Smoke with Andy


I'm not sure if you guys have these sorts of thoughts, but I have been recently.

It's hard to get these particular stories across to non-smokers, but I'll do my best.

This sounds very odd to most people, but I have always enjoyed smoking. Most of my family at one time or another has smoked. I therefore find it to be somewhat of a comfort thing, and I flat out like to do it.

After my first year in college, I started smoking, much to my mothers dismay. Mom never allowed me to smoke at home, but Andy understood, so he and I retired to the garage, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 20 times a day for a smoke and a chat. I cannot describe to you the amount of satisfaction that it gave me to go outside and poison myself with Andy. We'd be working on some project (usually on what ever piece of junk i was driving at the time) and the best part of that was finishing up and having a smoke with Andy.

Whenever I go back to Mom's house, I always pick up a pack of smokes at 7-11, and a Diet Dr Pepper, and even today, I still step out in the garage often and I have a smoke with "Andy."

I like to think he's listening to me the best there, and i can close my eyes and hear him say "Uh-huh" like he always did when I ran at the mouth (usually). He didn't call me Motor Mouth for nothing.

That was one of the great things about smoking with Andy, he was always willing to go have one, and he always listened to me, even if i was prattling on about stupid things. He sat there and listened intently, smiling as he smoked.


A story that goes along with this one occurs to me. When Andy was first out of the hospital about a year ago, Mom had me help her get him up and outside to sit in the sun for a bit. He was under doctors orders not to be using tobacco, but he and I figured that a couple smokes couldn't hurt. I had with me, as usual, a pack of smokes and a bottle of soda. After some strict admonishments from my from my mom to NOT smoke, she went back inside and Andy and I had the garage to ourselves.

I leaned over to him and said "Look, this is what we can do. I'll light this up, take a drag, and pass it to you, you take a couple drags, then pass it back. We'll pass it back and forth till its gone and light another. Mom is CERTAIN to smell this on your breath, so you take some drinks out of my Diet Dr Pepper and that should kill the smell enough to pull this off."

Grinning like a couple of teenagers smoking behind the barn, Andy and i shared three cigarettes. He didn't even have a problem with that diet soda. In fact, I think Andy would have drunk half a bottle of Pine-Sol if he figured he could get a smoke out of it by that time. :)

Even though we were "Bad," I thank God often that we had that chance to have a couple smokes together. :)

I miss him so much sometimes, I hurt.

I'd give everything I own to have just one more smoke with Andy.

Jimmy

Singing the Vacation Blues!

Wow... what a trip!

We had an unexpected ordeal... our Windstar blew the transmission in Springfield, MO. All of us stood at the side of the road in 100+ degree heat for almost an hour waiting for the tow truck to arrive. We almost had to call an ambulance for John, who began showing signs of heat exaustion, but managed to keep it at bay by making him drink as much as he could, and by pouring bottled water on him.

The tow driver took our van to a transmission shop, and us to a motel. This was Saturday, and the shop did not open until Monday. What to do??? What to do???

What we ended up doing was rent a car, and then continued on our trip. It was quite interesting to cram the stuff that was in a Windstar into a Taurus. We ended up leaving half our stuff behind.

Shelby kept on reminding us her Catechism lesson from the previous week: "All you need is a staff and a tunic." We told her to hush.

At any rate, we ended up having a truly wonderful trip.

We enjoyed the sights of St. Louis, ate Chicago pizza and saw the view from the top of the Sears tower.

We ventured into Windsor, won 50 bucks at the casino and promptly lost it.

Shelby twirled at Notre Dame, did fairly well in competition, and still enjoyed it.

We threw Art's parents 60th wedding anniversary party in Detroit.

And finally made it back to Springfield, picked up our repaired van and we are now home again. Very tired, but feeling pretty darn good about not letting a little thing like a blown transmission ruin our vacation!

(scroll down for photos)

A not-very-happy Arthur transfers stuff from the Windstar to the Taurus. (The rest of the vacation was great!)

Entrance to the Sears Tower...

...and the breathtaking view!

Chicago Pizzaria

Three of the Encore Twirlers and coach await their scores.

Shelby and John serve cake and punch

Mom and Dad: 60 years together and still going strong!

More of the anniversary party


A family portrait

Father's Day... again.

It is so hard to believe that this is the 5th year now. The kids and I have just returned home after leaving a flower at their daddy's grave. We released the annual message balloon, and for dramatic flair, Shelby drove the car around the cemetery to demonstrate what she has been learning now that she has her permit. And to think she was just an elementary school student when he left us...

The pain is no longer raw for any of us, but I know that the kids feel these little rituals keep them a bit closer to their dad, as do I.

My MOST INTERESTING Birthday present!

WOW, what a PRESENT!!

I guess we can call this "Lobster Fest." As most of you all know, Jimmy and Tiffanie moved to Maine a little over a year ago. Whereas Lobster is a scarce commodity in Oklahoma, it is plentiful in Maine.

So what did I get for my birthday??? None other than 4 LIVE MAINE LOBSTERS!!! :)

We invited Kathy and Kendy over for dinner the night the critters arrived. There was a great variety of reaction from the various people here.

I was delighted because I love lobster, but I told Arthur he would have to drop them in the boiling water. He said "NO PROBLEM!" since he also likes lobster, and considers himself to be "The Hunter, the MAN!!"

Kathy didn't care WHO boiled them, because she just wanted the lobster.

Shelby and Kendy were a bit squeemish about trying the meat. Shelby ended up really liking it, while Kendy decided it wasn't her cup of tea.

John insisted we were all MEAN and CRUEL, and he wanted to keep at least one of them for a PET! But after he realized we meant BUSINESS he wanted to cook one himself. (He didn't.)

So anyway, THANKS JIMMY AND TIFF! Not only was dinner delicious, it was rather ENTERTAINING!!!

Brain Fart

OK, I just got the news. I am nominated for School nurse of the Year.

Cool!

So, naturally I immediately think of calling home to tell the good news. But I think of Andy answering the phone!

I am going on 5 years out now. Remarried almost 2 years. What's up with THAT??? I used to do that in the early days, expecting Andy to answer the phone. It took me by complete surprise that it just happened again.

Now I feel confused, and a bit guilty.

Guess widow-brain is a life-long condition.

Please light a candle for Sue

Tomorrow is the 12th anniversary of the passing of Arthur's beloved Sue.

Arthur has often looked at the memorial websites set up by others, and has always wanted to set one up. He is pretty computer challenged however, so setting up such a site was just about impossible for him.

Anyway, I have set up a memorial website for Sue, (my dear friend also) which I plan on presenting to Arthur tomorrow, and then I am going to teach him how to keep adding to it. I know he is going to love it! It will be 12 years tomorrow, and he still struggles around this time.

If anybody here will please light a candle and sign the name you use here, I know he will really appreciate it. This website is truly from my heart, because I know first hand how hard these anniversaries are, plus Sue was my friend, and I love Arthur.






Click here to go to the memorial site: In Memory of Sue


Thanks everybody.

Dear Terry, Our prayers go with you

Terry is leaving for Fort Sill, then after a short time training he is off to Iraq. He was originally called up in 2003, but he ended up coming home without leaving the state. He spent a couple months in Louisianna helping out with Hurricaine Katrina. No sooner did he get home, he had to begin preparing to deploy to Iraq.

Last night his company had a big sending-off ceremony, then a bunch of his friends and family met at Ryan's Fire Mountain for dinner.

Please keep Terry and his wife Kathy in your prayers. He will be gone for 1 year to 18 months.

An amazing day... FOUR years

I never in a million years would have thought I could say that the anniversary day of Andy's death was an amazing day.

But today truly was.

Along with the rest of my family, today I attended the wedding of my friend Pam's daughter Laura. Pam and family were very close to Andy and I. As a matter of fact, Pam was a friend who helped me make Andy's funeral arrangements, and brought me a teddy bear to hold as I picked out his casket.

At any rate, instead of sadness on this date, I felt a sense of wonder attending this wedding of somebody who was so special to Andy and I. Plus, there was a bonus.

Pammy remembered what today was. She told me she had been thinking of me all day, and that she just knew Andy was enjoying the day too... laughing at Laura's pre-wedding jitters. There were several people attending the wedding who worked with me at the hospital. They were very happy to meet Arthur, and they stated that they knew Andy was happy to see me happy. They also mentioned the incredible mark that Andy had made on everybody's life.

Wow... it made me feel so good... that people still remember. That they consider my life as a WHOLE, not just the sad part, not just the happy part. They welcome my new life, and remember my past! And Arthur felt as if he was part of the group, rather than being an outsider.

Andy is a part of me, Arthur is a part of me, and today I was able to celebrate the marriage of my friend, the memory of Andy, my love for Arthur, and the wonderful potential my future holds.

Thanks for listening as I step into year number 5...

Time to Move

My journey has just reached another crossroad. I have been really reflective the last few days, partly because of what I am about to describe, and also it is that time of year again, countdown has begun...

When Arthur and I were engaged, he moved from Detroit to a small apartment here in Oklahoma City. After much reflection and soul searching we decided for him to move into my house after our wedding. We felt that it would give us a better financial footing, and be less upheaval for Shelby and John.

We did much rearranging, painting, and blended our belongings together. Inside, this house is barely recognizable as the same house I have lived in for 20 years.

But, now the time has come to find a house that is OURS. We are on firm ground financially, and my kids now actually are welcoming the idea of a new home.

I want a new house too... I really do. We went out looking at model homes in our area, and found one that we absolutely love.

But now I am feeling myself "stuck" again. It reminds me of when I needed to let go of Andy's posessions, but this time it is magnified 100 times.

This is the house that Andy and I brought our babies home to. This house has so much of him in it... the cabinets that he finished by hand, the chair rail paneling and wood trim he put up, the appliances he installed, the colors that we chose together. Out in the side yard is the crepe myrtle bush that Andy planted with our son John when he was 5. The kids' hand prints in the back patio from 1997. And so much more...

I had my arms around Andy in the hospital bed in the dining room here as he left this life. You get the picture...

Add to that a feeling of wistfulness that, because of his death and my remarriage, I can now afford to move to a much better house than Andy had ever dreamed of.

I know his memory will go with me wherever I go. Arthur was able to leave the house he and Sue shared and he has no regrets...He understands my feelings too, because it took him 10 years to leave their home. I know that it is the right time to move, and I know that my my marriage to Arthur is important now. But this is still hard.

Shelby's first formal dance

Here is Shelby and her date Jacob. They are on the drumline together.

Shelby is trying to adjust to her first time going formal! :)

Merry Christmas to all... and to all a Good Night.

Worlds Best Christmas Cookies!!!

(Just thought I would share this recipe.)

******************


World's Best Christmas Cookies!!!!

1 1/4 cups butter, softened
1 cup powdered sugar, sifted
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans, toasted
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon grated lemon rind
1/4 cup seedless raspberry jam
Powdered sugar

Beat butter at medium speed with an electric mixer; gradually add 1 cup powdered sugar, beating until light and fluffy.

Combine flour and next 5 ingredients; gradually add to butter mixture, beating just until blended.

Divide dough into 2 equal portions. Cover and chill 1 hour.

Roll each portion to a 1/8-inch thickness on a lightly floured surface; cut with a 3-inch star-shaped cutter. Cut centers out of half of cookies with a 1 1/2-inch star-shaped cutter. Place all stars on lightly greased baking sheets.

Bake at 325° for 15 minutes; cool on wire racks. Spread solid cookies with jam; sprinkle remaining stars with powdered sugar. Top each solid cookie with a hollow star.



Yield: 3 dozen



********************

Getting Ready for Christmas

I love this picture! :)

We got the tree up before Jimmy had to leave to go back to Maine.

Proud Band Parents!

Arthur and I worked at all the PC football games to earn credits toward Shelby's band trips. This was taken the week after my surgery, the night of the Pirate's semi final game. I was a little sore, but felt pretty good. The popcorn kept me warm! :)

Arthur prepared the hot chocolate. We sold 25 gallons that night!!! I don't think either of us have ever seen so much hot chocolate in one place before!

My surgery is over.

Well, I am home recovering from my my thyroid surgery. Surgery was on the 4th. I was kinda scared, (OK, VERY scared!) mostly about the outcome.

Well, the bad news is: there was a tumor the size of a chicken egg, so they removed it along with half my thyroid. I start thyroid medicine tomorrow. My neck feels like somebody took a hammer to it. There is a cut from one side of my neck to the other. My kids say I look like a Frankenstein monster. (thanks, kids.)

The good news is, they are 99% certain it is benign! Final results will be in tomorrow, but they said it looks totally benign.

I am floating on a cloud of euphoria, combined with narcotics. I didn't realize how scared I was until it was all over! This was my first real surgery, and the doctors had feared cancer.

My friends and family have been wonderful to me... (the Frankenstein remark aside!) I feel so blessed today. But I had my angel on the other side with me, too.

I have an angel named Arthur who has been cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids for me.

The world looks so bright and beautiful today! (I suppose some of that might be because I don't have to be back at work until the day before Thanksgiving break! :)

Yayyyyy!!!!!!!!!

Just Married....Again!

Our marriage is now recognized by the Roman Catholic Church. (Although we were legally wed on 6/26/04, the sect of the Catholic Church we were married under is not recognized by Rome. We want to be in full communion with the Roman Catholic Church, so we had to do it all over again.:) I've heard friends say "I'd marry my husband all over again." Well... I really did!:) Actually, we consider today as a continuation of our original ceremony... we even used the same unity candle that we and the kids lit 6/26/2004. It still burns brightly!

Holy Cow! I think we need a new roof!!!

Actually, this is a photo taken during the new roof installation. This hole was discovered under the old shingles. No WONDER we had a big leak! Hey Pammy, you can tell Uncle Donnie that the roof he installed for us 18 years ago finally had one too many hail storms hit it! :) It was a good old roof....

Wow! Actually, there were holes similar to this all over the roof under the shingles. I never realized that roof damage occured UNDER the shingles!


Well, at least we won't be rudely awakened in the middle of a rainstorm with water pouring into the bedroom, like we were last week. Now to go argue with the insurance company. They are only paying for 75% of the shingle job, and none of the wood repair. That leaves us with a bill of over 2K. Yuck!!!

Instant friends

I was in the waiting room at my dentist when an elderly woman came out of the examining room. She chatted with the receptionist for a minute, and said something about "I am so forgetful these days."

Then, for some reason she turned toward me and gave me a sad smile. She continued, "I can't seem to remember anything or keep my head on straight." Her eyes filled with tears. "I just lost my husband 3 weeks ago, and I don't know what I am doing." I replied, "I know what you mean. I remember feeling the same way when my husband died almost four years ago."

Her eyes flew to meet mine. It was that sudden connection of two who have felt the same pain. Even though we were a generation apart, the instant bond was unmistakable. "OH!! You know how it is then!" She really teared up at this point, and asked "Please, please tell me. Does it ever get better?" This lady, a stranger, an instant friend, so much older than me was looking to ME for answers.

What could I tell her? This was not a time to talk about future joys. This was no time to discuss healing, or mention my newlywed status.

I remembered the words of a friend of mine on the young widow site, and this is what I said:

"I promise, you will not always feel the way you do now." Then I added, "You will always love him and remember him. This has been mine and other widowed friends' experience."

Then it occured to me: perhaps this was Karma coming around full circle. Our dentist herself has walked in our shoes. Dr. H. lost her husband during her last year of dental school, while her kids were in middle and high school. I remember asking HER during my early days if it ever became better! She was also Andy's dentist, and I have always considered myself close with she and her staff. I called her office the day he died. Dr. H. accepted the call herself, and gave me her personal cell number. She told me to call her anytime, even in the middle of the night, and assured me she meant it. She also sent me a copy of the book "A Grief Observed," and wrote that the book had been her best friend in the early months.

I began thinking that maybe dental offices have healing karma. That thought even makes a root canal seem more appealing!

The moment was ended by the receptionist calling my name. As I went in for my appointment my new friend turned to leave and earnestly said, "Thank you and God Bless."

Tonight she and all those who are grieving are in my prayers.

State Fair Time Again: 2005 Button

Here is John and Shelby posing for the annual button.

The sweater John is wearing is the little memory of their Dad in this year's photo.

(No, that is not me in the middle. It takes a lot more makeup than that for me to look that good! LOL)

Finally... a diagnosis

I have become so exhausted that I had to go see my doctor. She immediatly set me up for a thyroid scan and bloodwork.

I have finally been diagnosed with a thyroid tumor, 3.5 years after Andy's death, although I started having symptoms about a year before he died.

At the time, my previous doctor had diagnosed my swallowing difficulties as a nervous condition called "Globus Hystericus," aka "It's all in your head, silly girl."

So I am now having to have surgery to remove the tumor that has been "all in my head." And bless Arthur's heart, he is frightened to death. He literally broke down and cried when they called to tell me I needed to have the tumor removed and have it biopsied for cancer.

It isn't thrilling news to me, but right now I am more concerned about my sweet Arthur. Enough already. We have both been through enough!

New Orleans photos from Kathy and Terry

Terry's unit has been called up to New Orleans to help the victims of Hurricaine Kartina. In Kathy's words:

"...Terry is down in New Orleans loading people on buses at the Super Dome. The people have been completely evacuated now, so the Dome is empty. Contrary to reports that the people there are running wild in the streets, he says that they have been pleasant, polite, orderly and very happy to see the National Guard.

He has been In New Orleans since Wednesday night and at the Super Dome since Thursday morning. They just got Port-a-potties for the soldiers today! So you can imagine what the Super Dome is like. Terry says the smell is so bad, you can barely get close to it let alone go inside! He says they (the Guard) are camped out on the top floor of the Super Dome parking structure. He is not sure how tall the structure is, but judging by the surrounding buildings, he estimates it to be 5 or 6 stories tall. He says that if you walk down two flights you are in the water! "

Kathy emailed me these photos that Terry took with his camera phone:





Oklahoma National Guard at the Super Dome




Convention Center after evacuation





Mess at the Mall behind the Super Dome





Somebody's doggie is looking for his owner.





Water level at the parking garage:over 2 stories high


Working in new Orleans is risky business as you can see...

(Last photo: not real, although I'll bet the National Guard guys feel like this at the end of the day. Kathy 'fessed up that the last photo was not taken there, she just thought that we needed a lighter note after all the tragedy. The rest of the photos are really from New Orleans.)