Sunday, December 28, 2003
Saturday, December 27, 2003
Meltdown
A new experience...
I had a major meltdown Christmas Night. I recognized the old familiar feeling of a huge grief wave, yet it was not a typical grief moment for me.
This time I was grieving not only my loss of Andy, but the changing of my entire past. He was included, but I was also crying for the babies who are no longer babies. Mommy, Daddy and babies. You know, the old Kodak moments? Where they are crawling around in the wrapping paper, you have to move fast to keep them from putting ribbon in their mouths, and they give you a sloppy baby kiss as a reward...
I was so longing to go back to visit that part of my life again, and knowing that I never can again hurts SO much, even though I an very happy in my present, and very proud of my grown and half-grown kids.
Then I moved on to other thoughts. I found myself sobbing missing my grandparents and their little pink Christmas tree with the feather birds. My other grandparents who's car seemed to magically hold more gifts than there was room for. And, my dad who has been gone for 24 years... who was the music man, playing the piano for our carols, singing the bass line in our family quartet...
But, after my two hour cry, I am better now.
It's just that the older I get, the more losses there are to cry about....
I had a major meltdown Christmas Night. I recognized the old familiar feeling of a huge grief wave, yet it was not a typical grief moment for me.
This time I was grieving not only my loss of Andy, but the changing of my entire past. He was included, but I was also crying for the babies who are no longer babies. Mommy, Daddy and babies. You know, the old Kodak moments? Where they are crawling around in the wrapping paper, you have to move fast to keep them from putting ribbon in their mouths, and they give you a sloppy baby kiss as a reward...
I was so longing to go back to visit that part of my life again, and knowing that I never can again hurts SO much, even though I an very happy in my present, and very proud of my grown and half-grown kids.
Then I moved on to other thoughts. I found myself sobbing missing my grandparents and their little pink Christmas tree with the feather birds. My other grandparents who's car seemed to magically hold more gifts than there was room for. And, my dad who has been gone for 24 years... who was the music man, playing the piano for our carols, singing the bass line in our family quartet...
But, after my two hour cry, I am better now.
It's just that the older I get, the more losses there are to cry about....
Tuesday, December 2, 2003
Whirlwind Trip to Detroit and Arthur's Move!!!
What a wild ride! Arthur flew to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving.
Friday we flew to Detroit together for the 30th High School class reunion, which was held Saturday night.
Sunday we loaded the U-Haul with whatever belongings he hadn't sold or given away. Later that evening we celebrated our engagement with Arthur's family.
We left for Oklahoma City early Monday morning, and arrived Tuesday evening.
WHEW!!!
The end... and the beginning...!
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