Sunday, November 23, 2003

I could have missed the pain...

I had an interesting thought this morning.

I have been wondering since Andy died if I would go through the pain again, if I knew how it would end. Was our love worth it? Could I open my heart, knowing how it would be crushed into pieces?

I believe I have learned the answer. By opening my heart to love again, this proves that I am willing to endure the agony of loss. After all, now I honestly know how I can be ripped apart. I have lived the true meaning of "until death do us part." Love truly is worth the pain.

Therefore, my love for Arthur is a testimony of the strenghth of my love for Andy. That knowlege gives me peace.

I still cried for Andy yesterday. That is another testimony. Love is forever.

"...And I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end,
The way it all would go...
Our lives are better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance."

(Thanks to Garth Brooks for putting my feelings to words.)

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Big changes coming in 8 days!

The latest news is Arthur is officially retiring from the State of Michigan next week. His last day at work is November 20th. The entire court is having a big party on Wednesday in honor of his 33 years of service. Then on Friday he is flying here to reside in Oklahoma City permanently!

He has rented an apartment about 2 miles from me. Although I have known him so long I could marry him tomorrow, my two youngest kids need to get to know him better. They have already been through lots of changes, so we are going to do this slowly but surely.

Big changes, but I have never been more sure of anything in my life.

Tuesday, November 4, 2003

A couple of emails

I have a file folder two inches thick with emails. I have spent hours every day on the phone. I have been living on 2 hours of sleep a night and LOVING it!!!

Soon there will be no need for emails.

" Hi Sweet Arthur!

I promise to get in touch with those apartment people today. As soon as they receive your cashier's check I can pick up the key.

This dream of ours is rapidly becoming a reality! Can you believe this??? We saw each other for the first time in 9 years at the end of July. You are moving here permanently at the end of this month. 4 months is all it took us. All the cards fell right. This is meant to be!!

I love you muchly!!!


Stephanie "

" My dearest friend,
I am thinking of us and our future marriage. The past is gone and I hope I have learned from it. You are the focus of my lifes dreams, hopes and aspirations. At the same time we are individuals with our own needs and desires. If we put those thoughts together in our marriage who can defeat us? My life will never be the same again. I want it to be that way.

We are to be a new entity; we are not to be the same as we were 30 years ago. We have grown and become better people. We have children and grandchildren to help and guide now. You and I have changed over the years but my belief is we are better suited for each other now than 30 years ago.

I will love you until the earth is dust and the stars go dim.
Arthur "