One year. How could it be???One year since he left this life. Oh ... I didn't want him to die...
I remember the holding on... holding on... begging God, Jesus, Jehovah, the Universe, ANYBODY to not take him from me!! Cying, pleading... PLEASE!!! DON"T TAKE HIM FROM ME!! What about our children?? How can we go on! PLEASE!!
Then, it hit me like a brick. It was time to let go. Time to let his poor soul go to some place better. I think he reached this feeling at the same time, because he had been hanging on to life as tightly as I hung on to him.
It was about two or three nights before he died. The song that was popular at the time:
"Tomorrow's another day, and I'm thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain..."ran through my mind. I slept soundly that night for the first time in months. I really was letting him go...
I was the one who decided when it was time to stop the feeding as his body filled with fluid. I decided to let him slip gently away per his instructions, instead of attempting to recusitate him. He had written in his living will for me to decide when the time came.
I don't feel like I am holding him back from anything now... I released him from the wheelchair to fly on the wings of eagles...
"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:31
they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:31
