About living in the present...

Lots of thoughts and emotions.

I am forcing myself to live in the present.

The past is unobtainable, and there is too much pain in the not-so-distant past. I look at the photos, the memories, then tuck them safely away for another day. I shed tears, and still feel grief. So does Arthur after 10 years. (That makes me shiver.)

The future is before me. I am about to leap into the world of 'until death do us part' once again. But, I now know the full impact of those words. I don't want to look into the future. I know what it can mean. I know what it will eventually hold for one of us.

For that reason, I am living one day at a time. Is that good? Am I in denial? I don't know. But, it is too scary for me to do otherwise.