Three years today...

Can't believe it. Incredible. Where did my old life go? I am content, but teary at the same time??? What in the heck is going on with me??? I don't like this. I hate this.

Yesterday the kids and I watched an old video that had been lost. I found it while cleaning our a drawer. The video was from 1995, and had so much footage of Andy that I had forgotten. Him feeding baby John Henry, wrestling with the kids, etc etc... did that life ever exist? Even the kids have changed. I love them dearly but my babies are gone, never to return.

My present life is good, but so was my old life. But that one is gone. Must keep looking forward. Keep going, keep going....

I had some comfort from a happening the other day:

On 2/22 (222?) the pendelum in my anniversary clock stopped spinning. It resumed spinning the next day. That same day, a car passed me on the road with a message in the back window in large red letters: "2222's ain't NUTHIN HARD!"

I probably will sound crazy, but I smelled Polo cologne very strongly in the living room yesterday. That was what Andy wore more than anything.

Other more subtle things have happened during the past few days. Maybe I am just more aware of things because of the date. Maybe they are messages. I don't know...

But I don't think he has forgotten us. I know I haven't forgotten him.