Reflections on the afterlife. (Deep thoughts.)

Andy's death and my experiences since have profoundly affected the way I feel about eternity.

I think he fought to live so hard not because he was afraid to die, but he knew he was leaving us behind. He loved us so much. I clung to him because I didn't want us to be separated, even if where he was going WAS better. Once it became clear that he was not going to recover, I let him go. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I loved him too much to watch him suffer any more.

I was raised with, and always believed the Christian message. I still believe it, but I now feel that life beyond is too much for us to comprehend. That is why the Bible and other holy texts were given to us... to give us mortals a tiny bit of the understanding of what is beyond, and how to live now.

I will continue to practice my religion, and have faith that there is everlasting life. However, now I accept that I can't possibly understand God, the meaning of life, or the universe. And, that's OK.

I plan on enjoying the ride, and I will find out the rest when it is my time to join Andy.

I have this image in my mind that brings me peace. I am very old, drawing my last breaths. I look up to see Andy by my bedside, grinning that grin of his. Such joy! He reaches his hand out to me and I take it. I feel warm, safe as he leads me toward the light...