A family member of mine has been going out of her way to make trouble for me for over 20 years now. I have never known another person quite like her. This lady actually admits to enjoying causing emotional pain to others, much like a sadist. She will even go so far to do things to hurt others even when there is no benefit to her.Over the years our relationship has waxed and waned. I have loved her, helped her, given her things, supported her, and sometimes I think I have honestly reached her heart. But just when I feel comfortable with her she turns around 180 degrees and stabs me in the back.
I have been stabbed again, and I’m bleeding.
For the past few days I have been praying about how to forgive one more time. How does one forgive while they are bleeding, anyway?
I think I have figured it out.
Forgiveness does not mean that I must accept any abuse or condone the abuse that I have received previously. What it means is that I must give up trying to receive something from her, quit hoping for an apology or even recognition that she has done wrong. She is not the center of my life, but she will be if I continue to dwell on this.
‘Nuff said.
4 comments:
You got it. Others can only hurt us as much as we let them. Refuse to give her the power to hurt you anymore. Her actions are her "control drama" and you don't have to play that game.
Recognizing it and naming it are the first steps to putting it behind you.
Take care.
Rob
I have known people like this before. I finally learned to forgive (for my stress levels), but not forget.
Forgetting means I might give them a chance in the future to hurt me further. I do not allow that.
Some have called me cynical and bitter for feeling that way, but better be bitter than be used.
Sometimes, I do believe that walking a way is the only way to salvage oneself. I have found, with these recent events, that I cannot deal with those who wish to cause emotional pain to others. No one should have to deal with that. I hurt for you and hope your pain eases with time.
Well Stella, as you know, I have a similar family member. No matter what I do for her it is never enough. I have tried everything I know to make her feel loved and wanted, but the fact of the matter is that she does not want me! She only wants what money and material things I can give her.
Things will be going along just fine, and then wham! She will hit me (or one of my other family members) with a deed so horrific, that it seems that it just can't really be happening. But it is.
A couple of years ago, I came to the same light-bulb moment that you have recently experienced. I have forgiven, but I will not forget. I will not allow this person to abuse me or those I love for another minute! I will not love her, or even try. It turns out you see, that loving her is not in my job description.
I will not lower myself to do her harm in any way, I have simply removed her from my life. It is so much more peaceful now. Yours will be too. Wait and see! :)
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